About

 

Foreword

Welcome to The Life & Fantasies of Transgirl Sissy Chrissy.

You should know, before turning another page, exactly what kind of book you are holding.

This is not quite an autobiography.

It is not quite fiction.

It lives somewhere more dangerous than either.

These stories emerge from the memories, desires, insecurities, obsessions, fears, curiosities, and private fantasies of Sissy Chrissy—a 47-year-old feminine gay man who longs to live more fully as a woman, but who, for now, remains caught between the life she inhabits and the woman she imagines herself becoming.

Some of what follows really happened.

Some of it happened differently.

Some of it began with a memory and was seduced into fantasy.

And some of it never happened at all—except in the secret country of Chrissy’s imagination.

That distinction will not always be made clear.

It is more interesting that way.

Within these pages, reality is negotiable.

One story may place Chrissy in a familiar bedroom, bar, street, hotel room, or anonymous encounter. The next may drag her somewhere impossible: into the arms of machines, monsters, supernatural beings, forbidden lovers, creatures of fantasy, or strange worlds where ordinary rules no longer apply.

The familiar and the impossible sleep beside each other here.

So do tenderness and depravity.

Romance and lust.

Humor and humiliation.

Fear and fascination.

Beauty and grotesquerie.

Some stories are playful and flirtatious.

Some are tender.

Some are deliberately trashy.

Some are dark, feverish, and unsettling.

Some indulge fantasies that polite people are not supposed to admit they have.

And some wander unapologetically into territory that many readers will consider deeply taboo.

That is not an accident.

Fantasy has always been a place where human beings trespass.

In imagination, we can approach the forbidden without claiming it should become permissible, flirt with danger without inviting it into reality, and explore thoughts that would be impossible, immoral, absurd, frightening, or even monstrous outside the protected territory of fiction.

A fantasy is not a confession.

A fantasy is not a manifesto.

And a fantasy is not necessarily a wish for reality.

Sometimes the imagination simply asks:

What if?

And Chrissy, more often than she probably should, answers.

The Woman at the Center of It All

For all the spectacle, kink, fantasy, horror, absurdity, and eroticism in these stories, the real subject of this book is Chrissy herself.

Chrissy lives in contradiction.

She is feminine, but the body she inhabits still tells another story.

She wants to be desired as a woman, touched as a woman, admired as a woman, and recognized as the person she feels herself becoming.

Yet she also carries decades of masculinity, insecurity, shame, humor, hunger, resilience, and memory with her.

She can be brazen one moment and painfully vulnerable the next.

She wants to be wanted.

She wants to be seen.

She wants to surrender without disappearing.

She wants to be outrageous without apologizing.

And sometimes she simply wants the freedom to imagine herself in situations reality would never permit.

That conflict—the distance between who Chrissy is, who the world sees, and who Chrissy becomes when no one is watching—runs beneath nearly every story in this collection.

Sometimes it surfaces as romance.

Sometimes as comedy.

Sometimes as darkness.

And very often as desire.

Because desire has a way of revealing the parts of us that daylight teaches us to hide.

These stories allow Chrissy to stop hiding.

A Private Theater of Desire

The fantasies collected here are not restrained by realism.

They are excessive by design.

Some are conventional.

Some are strange.

Some are kinky.

Some are deliberately provocative.

Some will make certain readers laugh.

Others may make them blush.

Still others may make them shut the book and wonder what, exactly, they just read.

That, too, is part of the experience.

Chrissy’s imagination does not always concern itself with respectability.

Sometimes it wants romance.

Sometimes affection.

Sometimes danger.

Sometimes surrender.

Sometimes something so outrageous that only fiction could contain it.

And beneath all of that is perhaps the oldest fantasy of all:

to step outside the limits of the self.

To become more beautiful, more feminine, more desirable, more fearless, more shameless, more alive.

To walk through a door reality keeps locked.

Even if only for a few pages.

Adults Only

This book is intended strictly for adults.

It contains sexual themes, unconventional fantasies, fetish material, transgressive scenarios, supernatural and science-fiction sexuality, dark humor, and subject matter that some readers may find disturbing, offensive, bizarre, or deeply uncomfortable.

Some fantasies deliberately cross boundaries of taste.

Some exist precisely because they could never belong in ordinary life.

Reader discretion is strongly advised.

You are not expected to share Chrissy’s fantasies.

You are not expected to approve of all of them.

You are certainly not expected to understand every one.

You are merely being invited to look through the keyhole.

What you do with that invitation is entirely up to you.

So enter knowing that memory and fantasy will sometimes become indistinguishable.

Expect tenderness beside perversity.

Expect humor beside darkness.

Expect the seductive and the ridiculous.

Expect impossible bodies, impossible lovers, impossible situations, and occasionally impossible desires.

Expect things that could never happen.

Expect a few things you may wish you had never pictured.

And perhaps expect, somewhere along the way, to recognize something uncomfortable about imagination itself:

that the mind is often most honest when it knows no one else is supposed to be listening.

These are the life and fantasies of Sissy Chrissy.

Reality provided the raw material.

Desire distorted it.

And Chrissy’s imagination finished the job.